day 15 & day 16

monday, day 15-we are now entering a new phase, implementation phase, where lots of codings will be involved. the period allocated for this phase is 6 weeks. but, our interface looks too simple and blank. so, we are still thinking of a way to fill out those blank areas, with functional objects. after all, we are building the system for the use of landscape of landscape and design, where design will be given emphasis. so, that means, we are still not "launching" into the next phase. to make matter worse, our presentation is scheduled to be at 0900 on tuesday. we were not ready on many things. but, due to some circumstances, the presentation was postponed to next month, i heard or, did i hear wrongly? never mind, that should buy us some time, though i am not sure if we will be able to produce spectacular interface by then. low productivity. my heave of relieve too, that i don't need to pass up my log book yet. i have not written anything yet, since day 1!

dinner was superb. reheated the dishes packed by mom on sunday. delicious. the taste of homecook food flooded my heart once more. missing home and parents more nowadays. never felt that way before.

tuesday, day 16-supervisor not available for the day! so, yeahhhh! i think i'll continue my work and updating my log book in my room. so far, i've written for only 4 days and is already facing some crisis now. nothing more left to crap about in the book. duh!

*when will friday arrives?*

day 14

it was friday, the 15th of may. i kept glancing at the clock, watched as it's hands ticked slowly. my heart was feeling very rushed and unsettled. why oh why, does the time passed so slowly today? it's friday! FRIDAY!!! i wanna go home! never had i miss home so much.

throughout the whole day, i couldn't concentrate on my work. my browser tabs showed jsp tutorials, xml and etc but in fact, my soul had wandered to some far-far-away-land. when will it ever be 5pm?!

anyway, putting aside the homesickeness episode, it's already the last day of the interface design phase. however, there is some problem regarding the interface and the menu. and we still have not done the tabbings yet. maybe, we should just go with simple tabs that do not involve java scripts. not looking good.

now, i start to apprehend why my aunt always said the same "fond-words" to us while we were still in secondary school. the responsibilities and burdens are slowly climbing up.

also, i started to appreciate the "home-sweet-home" phrase. there's no place better than your home and family. my house and family is where my heart is. when i am looking for relaxation, i'll think of home, when i need entertainment, i think of the piano at home. when i miss mom and dad (miss those fights and arguments...haha), i'll think of home.

now that i am back in my shell of comfort, i felt that time ticks freakingly fast. in a glimpse, it's already saturday and next, sunday, and next? worrrkkkk...duh!

i guess human is greedy in nature. 2 days of holiday are just not enough.

#frankly speaking, i wish the other fridays will arrive fast. 7 weeks is enough. more than enough.#

day 12 & day 13

by this week, everyone is starting to feel the heat of the training (and from the sun too). you will see tiredness, laziness, boringness, holiday-sickness, homesickness and all kinds of negative emotions. 3 weeks feels very longggggg. each day, i counted the remaining weeks left for training, the number of working hours i need to endure before i finally call it a day and rejoice with my bed.

the best day i had was tuesaday. a lot of positive things happened(minus a few negatives). i saw someone unexpected! and, i had a heart-to-heart talk with mmay. it's always nice to have someone to talk to. besides, sis called that afternoon saying that she will be back by the night flight.

thrilled is the word that best describe me now, as i type these words. i am happy that it's friday tomorrow. i've always love fridays. i am going home tomorrow! and, i wanna play the piano! i wanna eat mum's homecook meals! i wanna go for steamboat!

ehem...i realise i am now abit SS, but oh, yeepeeeeeee!!!

so, 3 more hours to go. duh!

for day 10 and day 11

still working on it. very clueless on many things. i kept on thinking that the project would be easier to handle if only i paid attention in java and database class. i hope i'll gain something after this, or else the 10 weeks will be a futile effort.

the last trip to pahang with mien may was nice and enjoyable. her family is very generous. i had to say i ate quite a lot during my stay with them. i'll remember the simple meat-wrapped-in-egg dish. i love it tremendously. not exaggerating. also, not forgotten, the astro channel! kbsw! wah lai toi! and that spooky series-the strange tales of Liao Zhai! i would love to express my gratitude towards their generosity and great hospitality here.

during my stay, i found a lot of resemblance between mien may's family and mine. her mum's styles are just like my mum's. her dad's are like mine. i started to miss home, miss my sis and bro. sometimes, i think i dare not go home because i am scared that i'll have to leave again in the sunday afternoons.

there were days, when i went into total depression, weeping silently during lunch (lucky that no one's around at that time). i was having too many thoughts, negative mostly, missing home, worrying about the project which seems to progress slower than ever, being lonely without some close friends and etc. i really hate myself for being a pessimist, weak and slow.

well, i think that will be all for today. oh, God! i pray to thee that thou will shower me with courage and perseverance and that thy child would be more optimistic. (very shakespeare-nt?)

day 8 and day 9

#can i do it?#

yesterday, a friend told me in her own subtle way that i complain too much and i don't have much initiative, after i launched my episodes of bad results, bad cgpa and unhappy training. i couldn't take it very well, at first but later at night, i started to feel a lot of what she said about me.

not exactly inspiring, and not exactly the way i would like to be comforted but at some point, it's true that i need to get out of my comfort zone.

but, one thing i disagree with her is that to let myself handle the tasks all by myself. i am not willing to let a group tasks being renamed into "individual tasks". and, i really would like to try to trust my group members despite how i always bad-mouth them. another reason is that, i don't know whether i can handle it alone. or, should i?

anyway, updates on my training. like i said, the supervisor's nice. she gave us too many hints and is strict at the same time. but, the guy just would not take it nicely. she already said not to use power point, TWICE. and, he kept doing it. by then, i was already too "dead" to "sound" him.

so, the interface's still NOT ready yet. the supervisor was a bit like " ... ". you know what i mean.
i don't think they will ever bring their work home with them. ah, that's just healthy.

as for me, i am looking forward to going to pahang this evening. maybe i should do a schedule like, when i'll go sight-seeing with mien may and when i should continue my work while in pahang since next presentation is due on tuesday. i can't bear to have the unbelievable-you-are-still-doing-the-same-page-since-friday look from the supervisor. i really hope not to dissapoint her too much, yeah my parents and me too.

she(supervisor) said something that motivates me a while..haha..(ya, i don't stay motivated for long). "your academic result does little matter, it's your skills that counts".

so, wish me luck that i will be positive for the next 8 weeks and the following.

till then, cheers from me.



#see, i am writting less gloomy stuff!#

a moment break from all the shit

You Need Friends to Be Happy

You are a friendly, social person. You seek out connections and relationships. Being close to others is very important to you, and you don't like discord. You feel great when you're cooperating and working with others. You enjoy belonging to a group. Nothing makes you feel worse that feeling alone or alienated. You want to be liked by those around you. found this "what makes you happy" survey. since, i am already so mellow everyday, i wanna find out what's my problem and it turns out...hahaha. true. a bit lonely here. i am looking forward to tomorrow's trip to pahang with mien may. i wanna get out from this place for a few days, absorb some positive energy, gain more confidence and trust in my teammates, have more motivation to push myself forward and lastly, have fun. i miss my parents too. but everytime they call me, i have nothing much to say to them. nothing is more soothing then a bowl of homecook soup, and the constant nagging of my parents. i miss the piano at home too. i wonder if she misses me? i think i wanna get myself a pet hamster-if i am able to feed myself well.

day 7

#i miss my friends and many little things#

the day started well. the presentation went well. the discussion session was informative but when it reached to the later part, my head started spinning, i could felt my brain being heavy-too dense with the information. (in the end, i couldn't store anymore, the new ideas just dissipate out from my brain.) i was actually glad that what i did was well commented by our supervisor. for once, i felt positive during training time. however, when time progressed, the day was ideal no more.

following the discussion on the database design, we went on to discuss about the layout of the interface. here's when the event took for a turn, nobody prepare or draft any designs on layout. i only managed to draft the login page and the overall layout the other day. because you can't just keep quiet, i proposed mine and, i forgot most of the features, some still undecided-not so perfect, i admit. but this is still ok. our supervisor gave us some ideas and show us some examples which she would prefer. still ok.

then...she asked "you tau buat jsp?" --------i answered "sedikit", the "girl" was silent, the "guy" gave a slight nod. (he was busy texting his friends)

next, she asked "you semua tau mysql dan database kan?" ------to this i gave a very unsure expression (ok! i memang sucks in database and programming), the "girl" (dunno...i didn't pay attention to her expression), the "guy" (still busy with his phone, occassionally glancing up-i really can't tahan him already by this time).

and by now, you should be able to imagine the expression of the supervisor. can't blame her. we are really too "genius". i know that she's not very please.

she kept asking us to learn throught the net. do some research on it. yeah, there's no choice now. she's already being so kind, willing to guide us in improving the database designs and share with us her codings for some basic structures. at some point, i really felt lucky that i am not training in a big private company-or i'll be able to expect what the outcome would be.

then another horror was discovered after the discussion. we were installing dreamweaver to the workstation, and she asked if we have experience using this program. the thing is, if you are an IT student, regardless of your major, you are bound to do projects or assignments which require you to build a simple system (i.e: hospital online appointment system, e-library...etc etc) using dreamweaver, at least 1 time. and, turns out our "girl" has no idea at all. sigh.

we call this "human factor". i know it is very bad to talk so unkindly of one person when you yourself is not even that great but sometimes some of these have to get out, before i burp every single detest to them. really, no matter how many times i tried to remind myself that everyone is capable in their own way, i can't deny that my unhappiness while i am with them is like a balloon waiting to burst! that's one thing i dislike about myself.

the more i think about it, the more pretentious i felt. spending precious day time smilling (and some scowls) at them, and talk badly about them later. i think i'll go to hell!


"you should stop complaining because complaining will not solve any problems".

Day 6

#i start to look at the bright side of everything that happens#

i admit that i have been very ego and arrogant for the past few days. i have been very naive, have been complaining to too many people about my unhappiness and this has reflects how unadaptive i am. my selfishness and arrogance has cause myself "blind".

so, what's the sudden ray of sunshine?
nature. the 30 minutes walk from my hostel to my training place is definitely a healthy one-you get the morning air, breathe in the scents of the dried leaves around, the wet moss, the greens (minus the carbons released from the zooming motorcycles and cars)-which is good for the lungs and your eyes. on my way, i spied 3 squirrels in 3 different places, and i find the landscape of the mosque and the new building much more captivating then before. undeniable is the fact that the walk is long and a bit tiring but it is not that bad at all.

***on progress***
day 6- still pondering over the same set of problems and still updating the diagram. it's a good thing that we are able to discover the mistakes that we made and the important aspects that we have left out. however, alterations were made without confidence and only 0.5% of effort is involved. now, do you still call that improvement?

uhm..people make mistakes and learn from the mistakes they made. so, does that mean we are lucky that we still have a lot of room for learning and improvements?

currently, the team still lacks of motivation. everyone spends some time on the project but most of the time on their own business-in 1:3.

i wonder if my friends who are training in the private factor are facing a very strict policy.

Day 5

#some positiveness today, but i am still worried#

we made some progress in database designing, albeit the unsure relationships between some tables and attributes. anyway, we did the diagram, and it looks convincing, and smart. there's still some problems concerning the tables that we built, some mild arguments between teammates but otherwise, this is a much better day compared to last week.

our supervisor will not be around until this wednesday and when she's back, we will have to present out progress and works to her and some other staff of the faculty. that is when the panic comes in. so far, we have only done the first diagram. there are still 2 other diagrams to be drawn and we need to design the interface already.

huh? today i am a bit tired. i think i am now writing a very lousy post.

yawn....yawn...pardon me...