Sudden poppin'

wow, i admire them, the doctors.

truly what i felt when i accompanied mum to the hospital for her eye check-up this morning.
them walking in their white coats, the stethoscopes hanging around their neck, the pens in their pockets, the torch lights and gloves...them(the housemanship doctors) walking in groups, performing morning drills...

i do not know why, all of a sudden, i have this awe towards doctors and pharmacist, especially today. i wonder if the reason lies on the fact that i will never be a doctor in this life, while deep in, i have a certain degree of yearning to become one.

since young, dad had been telling me and my siblings over and over again, that grandpa would be very happy if one of his grandchildren manage to become a doctor. he (grandpa) would be smiling in heaven. as if still fresh in my ears, i can hear him imitating grandpa's expression, "Ahh...there's a doctor among the Tan family." sometimes, i felt that dad was really hoping that one of his children will be able to fulfill this ambition. his children on the other hand, will laugh his ideas away and, when i grow up, i was very certain that my ambition is not to be a doctor because i always thought that that's my father's ambition, not mine.

now that his children is older, and with each one deviating far from the path of doctorhood, he never speak about the grandpa's-dream-comes-true talk, only that he will still tease us occasionally, whenever they went for medical check-up. "see? if you are studying medicine, papa and mama can consult you when we are having health problems!" *haha*

sometimes, i felt sorry to dad because up till now,his children have nothing to be bragged about while he listens to his friends and colleagues talking about their children's success and achievements. "wow, mrs. zz's son is going to London to study medicine", "mr's xx's son got the jpa scholarship", "mr. aa's daughter's pay per month is rm6000!", "mrs. kk's daughter is sent to oversea for work..." *sigh* it's parents' nature to compare their children with the others. but then, this is not entirely a bad thing if you convert it into positive motivation.

***

my best interest is in forensics but i am not a brilliant chemist. by chance, i was offered to study computer science majoring in software engineering, not really the type of field i am interested in. but, i decided to give it a try. a try, driven by the obstinate mind rather than passion. sometimes, i do get agitated by knowing some of the things and jobs i can do in the computer science stream, giving me a momentary motivation. i really must preserve this encouragement, etch them firmly in my head and put in more interest. "tak kenal, maka tak cinta" isn't it?

whatever the outcome might be, i would, one day, make my parents proud. well, hopefully^^

time for actionnnnnnnnnnn!