Day 4

#sorry, you gotta face it.#

i am really depressed. my application for a transfer had been rejected. looks like i will be stucked here for 10 weeks, will have to endure pointless discussions with my teammates. i dunno. after the phone call, i just can't help feeling very bitter. tears start swelling in my eyes. the coordinator is very nice but she just wouldn't permit my transfer despite how i reason with her.

**teammates**
i think i have a bit of issue with them.
this team is really unbalanced in terms of skills and expertise-all very blur (including me).
and some really have a different eye on "standard". you would think an ERD comes with attributes, but some just think attributes are unnecessary in ERD. the leader of the group himself is quite unsure of what he's doing and writing. (and he's an ex-dip! isn't he supposed to be good-or at least knowledgeable?!) i am not born a leader, so don't ask me to lead the discussion as i am more comfortable in giving opinions! and, despite me telling him that the two entity that has the same attributes should be grouped into one, he still seperates them. come on!!!

i have to say there are no cohesiveness and bonding in this group at all. i think part of the reason is that i don't feel like bonding too. so, my bad.

what i regret very much is that i couldn't choose the right choice - going under Dr. Fatimah's wing (working in FSKTM) and instead, i agree to a place so far from my hostel. i am sooooo stupid!!! so, practically, i am doomed here.

very unhappy here. negative.


"yeah, you are right. it's part of learning."

Day 3

#one will think that i have nothing positive to say about my training.#

no progress yet. the malay trainee is absent. she had stomach cramp yesterday and i suppose she's still having it. the other trainee went out from 11:00 am till now. he will only be back after lunch hour, i presume. meanwhile, i had my butt glued to the chair, firmly and fingers fixed at the keypad. since internet connectivity here is good, i might as well make some good use of it-download movies. (but, where the heck should i find for free direct downloads?)

oh, i am dying to change faculty. not that i don't like it here or i have some unspoken issues with the other two, i just think that it is not too convenient for me to "travel" from my hostel to this faculty. too far. but, at the same time i do not have the courage to ask for a transfer. i fear that my coordinator would not permit the transfer (e.g: no available position for trainee in fsktm), and also, that will be very cruel to the other two trainees. 10 weeks is very short. despite me telling a friend that i decided to face the challenge, on and off, i am still thinking of the possibility. oh, boy! i must be very weak. i can't even bear for a week!

let's just see how. till tomorrow. or, i'll ring up my coordinator and ask for her opinion.

Day 2

#sorry that i am not very cooperative#

*** what we did today ***
we had our first discussion. it's a good start. at least we are going through the first phase of the project. i can't say that we are very productive but nevertheless, we came up with something. from this discussion, i can see that everyone's attention is not at the right place. one is eager to get back into the air-conditioned lab-and that's me, another is eager to get off to town for his "minum" session and the last girl seems very busy. well, at least the second guy puts in initiative to start the discussion, jot down details and give opinions. i just couldn't bear with the last person. her cellphone keeps on ringing, and the ringtone's noisy. it's just annoying and irritating. can't she just put her phone into silent mode? i find it irritating when somebody distracts the discussion.

another thing is that we are all "going to different directions". we do not own the same goal. i mean disagreements do happen, in fact, all the time, in group discussion but this is somehow different. how should i put it? hm...never mind. maybe it's just me.

maybe i am the problem. i am the kind who talks big, but do little. i admit that.
i am also very dependent on my programming-expert friends, but that doesn't apply now. the girl doesn't even understand html despite her taking java classes with us. not wanting to sound ego, but really, i thought i am the weakest, and here, i really do not know whether i should feel relieved that i will not be intimidated by the geniuses, or i should be worried that our project will be a mess, worst-a failure. right now, i think it would be incredible, if we manage to deliver the result in the end. it's looking bleak.

i just hope that i'll "grow up" from this training, stop relying too much on people and starts putting words into action.

*** lunch ***
after the tiring and exhausting walk from the faculty to the old flat, i am an inch wiser now. my resolution to having a good and healthy lunch is to become a brown-bagger. i am bringing my own lunch box. so, yay! no longer need to waste energy and money. say no to smelly armpits. hahaha. well, decided to alternate between chocolate sandwich, scrambled-eggs and sardine. the only downside is that, i need to wake up earlier to prepare them. *grumble*

so, that's day 2 for me.

i'll try to look optimistic.

Industrial Training

Day 1

well, i know it's too early to judge but really...

it's barely 10 in the morning and i am already yawning in the lab. i am really "thrilled" to spend the remaining 7 hours and 30 minutes here. the lab is very quiet and there's only 5 people in the lab, that all you will be able to hear is the sound of mouse clicks. terribly bored.

we were asked to develop an academic system for the landscaping and architecture faculty. it sounds somewhat like our database project, only harder, i guess.

but then, what makes it even boring is the fact that you are stucked right here, and not having any specific task to do, and the two coursemates you are working with are someone whom you never talk to during lecture classes. all you can do is pretend to surf the internet for more information of the new programming language that you are about to use, browsing some portals for references and looking through some tutorials which do not look like a tutorial at all!!! ok, occasionally, flipping tabs to e-buddy and blogspot to kill some boring. ya, right, not occasionally, frequently. oh, i know i don't have the right attitude and motivation.

i am not hungry but i can't help thinking of lunch break. anyway, one of the staff mentioned to us that there is only one kiosk that sell some light food, not really a cafe. so, totally not looking forward to the lunch hours, just wanna breath in some "new" oxygen.

***pause. a guy's coming over! quick change tab!!!***

ok..he's gone now...
so, he said he noticed that we (the three quiet trainees) are not speaking to each other. he thought that we come from different departments. he came over an chatted with us for a while, asking who's our supervisor and bla bla. meanwhile, i kept on [pretending to] mouse over those bold letters-PHP, to look as if i am concentrating, focusing. than this other guy came, and he said we can do whatever stuff we like today, there's no official assignments yet. so, no more pretending. anyway, they already know what we are up to.

i start to appreciate msn more now. it's nice to be able to exchange news with friends, especially the time when u are growing moss in the lab.

i think that should be enough for now. if i continue writing, i'll be able to produce a novel-length entry already with all the craps. and last word...i still wish that money grows on tree! haha

the thing is:

#1
i was thinking how great it would be if i could write interestingly like the gossip girl from the tv series "gossip girl" does, turning everyone's nasty stories into delicious cakes-(preferably tiramisu)-"cakes" for tea time, meant to be savoured together with a perfect cup of steaming coffee. oh! i should stop this gossip-girl-wannabe! #

the assignments and my final exams have prevented me from nosing into people's blog, leave aside updating mine and i am glad to say that the pressure has now subside-a little. well, some is better than none. for the past few weeks, Sleep has become a rare luxury to us. we were deprived of our sleep, and occasionally waking up in the wee hours, jamming all the theories and complex models into half-awaken brain, while trying to fight off the temptation of the bed. cruel. if u are suggesting caffeine, forget it. i've already gained immunity against it.

while going through those weeks, i can't help thinking about snuggling into the warmth and comfort of my comforter at home though the weather here has been (and still) insanely hot! ok, what's passed is history. all those exams, boy, i wish i can turn the time backwards, so that i can redo my papers.

and it's already "that" time of the semester, where everyone starts sealing their parcels, packing and dumping stuff. you know, one can learn a lot about their neighbours by looking at those stuff that they throw of. it's like a "fresh" surprise. (i should rob my opposite blockmates! you gotta see what they left outside their room to get what i mean.) anyway, at some degrees of the heat (why is it so hot in here?!!), i envy them-that they got to pack and go home, while i spend my 10weeks undergoing training. sob. i wish i've brought more instant noodles and biscuits from home. i wish i hadn't leave my external hard disk at home. this is unbearable! i wish that i can drink mum's soup every week. and i really wish that money does grow on trees-even if it's just for a short period of ten weeks.

still here

phew! thanks god, i am still breathing.

*breathe in* *breathe out* *breathe in* *breathe out*